A restaurant is first an foremost, a public place. It has rules of behaviour and etiquette. Learning how to act in different situations and places is important for children. Which is why you should read the following article that shares with us 8 ways to enjoy eating at restaurants with your kids: http://www.parents.com/kids/development/social/eating-at-restaurants-with-kids/
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8 Ways to Enjoy Eating at Restaurants With Kids
By Kirsten Matthew
Are you ready to let your child dine in a public setting? Try these techniques for a peaceful restaurant experience.
Some restaurants across the country have started banning children or implementing “No Screaming” and “Be Respectful” edicts for pint-size diners. Sure, kids can be unruly at mealtimes and they can make eating out less than relaxing for everyone in the dining room. But how do you teach kids to behave in a restaurant if they’re not welcome? Learning how to act in different situations is important for children — it improves their confidence and helps them develop social skills– and proper restaurant behavior at a young age gets them off to a good start. Whether you have a toddler or an older child, see if she’s ready to begin eating out in a restaurant. Prepare her by trying these helpful techniques for a stress-free outing.
1. Make Sure Kids Are Welcome
Not all restaurants embrace children; some are explicit about that, others are not. Play it safe and call ahead. This is a good opportunity to check that there is a children’s menu or something on the regular menu that your kids will eat. Some places will tailor dishes if they don’t have a children’s menu or leave out ingredients that are too complicated. Others go out of their way to accommodate small customers, with stroller check-in and portable DVD players to keep them entertained.
“Mealtimes are so important for families, especially in cities where everyone is short on time,” says Marc Murphy, who, as chef and owner of the Landmarc restaurants in New York City, has made his eateries both adult- and child-friendly. “I have kids, and I wanted to create restaurants that welcome families and that have enough stuff for kids to eat, but that don’t make adults feel like they’re eating at Chuck E. Cheese’s.” Just don’t wait until you’re sitting at a table to find that out.
2. Ease Slowly Into Fine Dining
If this is your first foray into dining out with the little ones, choose somewhere nice, not too fancy, and family-friendly. In the beginning, order just one course (skip the appetizers and desserts). “Most parents can gauge what their children can handle,” says Jessica Ritz, creator of Taster Tots LA (tastertotsla.com), a blog that lists child-friendly restaurants with adult-friendly food in Los Angeles. “By a certain age, some kids enjoy dining role-play too, like placing a cloth napkin in their laps.” Murphy adds, “Don’t underestimate your kids — they really enjoy being treated like adults!”
3. Eat Early
An overtired or over-hungry child is no fun for anyone, so hit your favorite spot in the midafternoon, after your little one has had a nap, or while the Early Bird Special is still available. The restaurant will be quieter, you’ll be less likely to disturb other diners, the waitstaff will be less frazzled, and (best of all) your child won’t be exhausted. “There’s no such thing as being too early to eat dinner in a restaurant with kids, especially if they are very young,” Ritz advises. A 5:00 or 5:30 p.m. dinner also means staying on track with evening routines and allotting extra time in case the evening’s plans get derailed.
4. Pack Your Own Distractions
Just in case boredom or restlessness sets in, pack a few toys, books, tools for coloring, or anything that will keep your kids quiet and won’t make noise that will distract other diners. Murphy cautions against electronics, though. “Coloring is fine, but please leave the iPads, iPods, DS games, and any other electronic device at home, Parents want peace and quiet when they eat, but the way to get that to happen is not to reinforce that children will get to watch a movie if they scream loud enough,” he says. Even though Ritz agrees that a low-tech outing will pay off in the end, she admits to pulling out the iPhone in moments of desperation.
5. Explain Expectations
Before you leave home, tell your kids what kind of behavior you want to see at the restaurant as a sign of respect to other diners. Even if your child is too young to understand, try to convey what you can or demonstrate what you expect. Expectations may vary from parent to parent, but children of all ages should be told to sit up at the table, keep the noise down, use good manners, and eat their meal with utensils.
Explain how long the outing will be (45 minutes is a reasonable goal if you’re just starting out) and explain that no running, shouting, or throwing food will be tolerated. “I can’t stand it when parents let their kids run around a restaurant because ‘they’re just kids,'” Murphy says. “That’s not a fun dining experience for anyone. If you don’t tell your kids how they should behave, they’ll never learn and you’ll spend more time chasing and reprimanding them than eating dinner.”
6. Think About Seating
Request a corner table rather than one in the middle of the room or ask your server where the least conspicuous spot in the dining room is. Your kids will be out of the way of other diners and more contained in a private area. This will also help keep any kids’ noises or disturbances from being too noticeable and make the overall experience more enjoyable.
7. Don’t Be Afraid to Discipline
If your children act up, act on it, but try not to make a scene. “The sound of loud kids is only surpassed by the voices of stressed-out parents trying to restore order,” Ritz points out. Remove upset tots from the table as soon as their behavior gets disruptive and take them into the bathroom or outside to calm down. But be prepared to leave if you can’t restore order. Your fellow diners and the staff will appreciate your consideration if you ask very nicely for your meal to be wrapped up to go, and stop the mayhem and take the meltdowns home instead.
8. Always Say “Thanks”
“What better setting for adults to model and teach good manners than in restaurants?” Ritz asks. Take the opportunity to explain how important it is to say “please” and “thank you” to waiters when making a request and to say “thank you” again to the restaurant host at the end of the meal. If the kids are old enough, teach them about tipping for good service, and get them to help count out the tip. “If you can spare a minute before you leave, make an effort to tidy up your area a bit,” Ritz says. “Especially if it’s a place you want to eat at again!”
Kirsten Matthew is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in The New York Times, New York Post, InStyle.com, and NYmag.com. You can read her blog at kirstenmatthew.com/blog.
Copyright © 2012 Meredith Corporation.
This is a sensible and, in a way, unpleasant topic. Unfortunately, traumatic events happen. With the constant hum of newsfeeds and social media, we are always aware of them, and so are our children. Kids are emotional, they worry more because their feelings are amplified by innocent imagination. As parents, it is our duty to guide them through unpleasant events that can leave a mark on their minds.
We found an article that might be of help, click on it, or continue reading it below on this page: http://www.parentscanada.com/family-life/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-traumatic-events
How to talk to your kids about traumatic events
By Sara Dimerman, Psychologist on February 16, 2016
It used to be a rare occasion that I would be called upon to offer an opinion or advice on how to talk to kids about a traumatic event. Unfortunately, the calls are no longer so rare, as our normally safe world is threatened by people determined to scare, hurt – even kill – those around us. Our little ones are not immune to the fear.
In an attempt to prepare for heinous acts or even benign threats, the very places that children see as safe havens away from home, have implemented drills to prepare students and staff in the event that they need to react quickly. Lockdown drills are common in schools, for example. If a crime is in progress in the neighbourhood, students are locked in their classrooms and told to stay away from the door.
Even though preparation is important, it can also engender fear and panic in young minds. Today, unlike the way that most of us grew up, little children feel a greater need for vigilance. And beyond this, catastrophic events – being reported in a much more pervasive way than 20 years ago – highlight the belief that the world is not entirely safe. Even young children are exposed to this news via social media, or as a result of hearing it from an older sibling. This has resulted in more children manifesting anxiety at an even younger age than years ago.
Despite our awareness that the world does not feel quite as safe as it did when many of us were children (maybe we were simply less aware of bad news without the constant hum of newsfeeds and social media), there are still ways for us to help our children feel protected and safe.
- Note When People Help Others During Difficult Times: This helps illustrate that there are many more good people to balance, or even outweigh, the bad.
- Note That Calm Usually Outweighs Chaos: As frightening as the event is, remind kids that there are still more calm days than chaotic ones. Remind your child that this type of event hardly ever happens (even though you might worry that it’s happening more often than before). Young kids don’t need to know the whole truth, especially when it’s so important for them to feel safe and secure.
- Let Kids Know Adults Have a Plan: Even though we prepare kids to know what to do in an emergency, we can remind them that adults will lead the way and that they can rest assured that they will not have to be in charge.
- Expand Kids’ Circle of Trusted Adults: Kids feel safer knowing that we are not the only adults who can help them. So, when you don’t arrive on time to pick your child up after school he doesn’t panic. He knows he can ask the teacher or principal for help. He knows he can call a neighbour, a family member or your best friend. Knowing that there are several reliable and accessible adults can help create a wider safety net and make your child feel more secure.
- Turn Off the News: It is our job to cut the news feed after a short while when our children are with us, especially if the crisis is ongoing. We need to be aware of how we talk about the event when our children are present, and how they are taking in the information.
Through The Ages
- Preschoolers: Very young children, especially those with younger or similar aged siblings, are more protected from the wildfire nature of bad news spreading across a school playground, for example. This, along with your conscious awareness of when and how to talk about any traumatic event, will protect very young children from worrying about them.
- School Aged: Once children begin attending school, they will start to hear about news and current events before you can tell them. In addition, some teachers may bring news events into the classroom with the best of intentions. Some children may respond to these events more emotionally than others. Watch for any change in your child’s moods and keep up on what is going on around them when they are not in your care. Then, try to deescalate the situation by helping your child feel that the world is mostly a safe place.
- Teens: It’s virtually impossible (pun intended) to keep your older child away from social media. So, don’t be surprised if he or she brings recent news events to your attention. Rather than having to wait for the next newscast or newspaper to be printed, we now get second by second broadcasts as they happen. This has many advantages but can also create a greater need for hyper vigilance and anxiety as your teen experiences and tries to process the news. Try to be aware of social media apps so that you keep up with your older child’s world.
Sara Dimerman is a psychologist, author and parenting expert in the Greater Toronto Area. Read more at helpmesara.com.
Originally published in ParentsCanada magazine, February/March 2016.
Parents typically respond intuitively to cues from their child, picking them up when they cry, talking to them when they are excited. What many parents don’t know, is that by simply responding to their baby’s cues, they are helping their newborn child’s brain develop.
Check the following article to discover 10 activities to help your baby’s brain development: https://www.parentscanada.com/baby/10-activities-to-help-your-baby-s-brain-development
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To illustrate what brain growth looks like, Dr. Clinton holds her hands six inches apart and moves her fingers about like tentacles to show what a baby’s neuropathways look like at birth. Slowly she brings her fingers closer together until they are touching. Then she overlaps her fingers and neatly clasps her hands together. This represents how stimulation affects a fully formed brain. These are the top 10 activities that will help build your baby’s brain.
Baby researchers have a term for the simple interplay between a parent and child. They call it “the serve and return” because, says Dr. Clinton, it’s like a game of tennis in which you play back and forth. “When they look at you, you respond by smiling or talking. That’s just what we know how to do as parents. You don’t need fancy tablets or flash cards. You just need to connect with your child.”
“Touch is a primal need,” says Dr. Clinton. That’s why babies love to be held. The late Clyde Hertzman, who was director of the Human Early Learning Partnership (HELP) and Canada Research Chair in Population Health and Human Development at UBC, said touching also helps babies begin to define their boundaries. “There is evidence to show that children who were neglected and not touched have real trouble defining where their personal boundaries begin.” Clyde said even the simple motion of picking a child up and putting them down is an important touch for babies. “They begin to be able to intuitively define where the self ends and where the non-self begins, where their body ends and where the next persons begins.”
At some point all children learn the game of throwing food over the side of their highchair and watching mom or dad pick it up. Through this simple game babies are learning about action and reaction and how to interact with their environment. “They love the anticipation of peekaboo,” says Dr. Clinton. “It’s all about cause and effect and object permanence. You’re teaching them that even when you don’t see me, I’m still here. That’s hugely important.”
Babies also like things to be predictable, says Adele Diamond, Canada Research Chair Professor of Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience at the University of British Columbia and B.C. Children’s Hospital in Vancouver. “They LOVE seeing their actions produce an effect and being able to re-produce that again and again, like kicking or pulling the string of a mobile to see it move or pressing on a button to make a buzzer sound.” Adele suggests giving babies challenges that make them work hard but that are still doable. For example, between eight and 12 months, you can place a desired object where the baby can see it, but out of reach, under a cloth, or behind a transparent pane. The baby needs to figure out that getting the object requires pulling on the cloth or reaching around the barrier.
Reading to your baby is one of the most powerful things you can do because it is multi-sensorial, says Dr. Clinton. “When you hold and rock your child while you are reading, it involves sight, hearing, touch and smell.” Studies show newborns even recognize books their mothers read aloud while they were pregnant.
The sensory experience of soothing water can help boost brain development. For an added bonding bonus, climb into the tub with baby to maximize precious skin-to-skin contact.
Introducing different scents can be a fun way to stimulate your baby’s brain development. Try applying lavender lotion during a nightly massage or take a trip to the garden to smell the flowers.
Parents often receive mixed messages about when and how often to respond to their crying baby. Crying is a response to stress for a baby and is the only way they have to communicate. When we pick them up, says Dr. Clinton, we are teaching them that the world is there for them, so don’t secondguess your instinct to pick them up. Babies who get picked up and soothed will likely cry less because they’re developing their own self-soothing techniques, said Clyde. “Children are influencing their environment right off the bat and you responding to the cues they’re giving is a huge thing. It’s telling them that you hear what they are saying.”
Studies show that, regardless of culture, men play differently with children than women, and babies benefit from both kinds of play. “While women tend to cuddle with baby, men tend to pick baby up, hold them out front and walk their fingers along them from the bottom to the top,” says Dr. Clinton. “It’s terrific because mom is soothing and dad activates excitement so the little one hears dad’s voice and gets excited.” This applies to grandpas, uncles and male friends, too.
By talking to your baby, you are helping them develop their vocabulary even when they’re infants. “All that babbling and cooing that’s going on early, that’s the child’s prelanguage skills developing,” said Clyde. “Babies express their needs and start to communicate in a variety of ways. Parents need to recognize that’s communication.” Studies have shown that the number of words a child learns by the age of three grows in direct correlation to how many words are spoken in the home.
Cuddling with your baby is as important as being active with them. “Don’t make it all about language and brain,” said Clyde. As with so much parenting advice, it’s all about balance. “If we’re frantically saying to new parents that they have to make every single moment count, their presence is being stolen by their anxiety. When you’re connecting with your child, think about what you’re doing with your child as a person, not about whether you’re building your child’s brain.”
Denise Davy has written extensively about children’s mental health, and recently won a journalism award from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research to study the link between poverty and children’s mental health.
Originally published in ParentsCanada magazine, May/June 2013.
Kids can be perfectionists too! While this certainly isn’t a bad thing, sometimes it can lead to a child’s frustration. At home, at school, looking up to parents, teachers and other classmates – it can create highly raised standards for oneself.
This source will provide you with advises on how to help kids achieve the sense of balance between striving hard and being too hard on him/her-self: http://www.parents.com/kids/development/social/perfectionist-child/
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By Tamekia Reece from Parents Magazine
Children this age think that they should be able to do everything exactly right all the time. Help your child understand that making mistakes is part of life.
A few months into kindergarten last year, I thought that my son Darren’s handwriting looked awesome — so much better than the barely recognizable letters on his preschool papers. He had a different opinion: It was “terrible” because it didn’t exactly match the examples his teacher wrote. I wouldn’t have been as concerned about his criticism if it were an isolated incident. But just weeks before the penmanship problem, he’d had a melt-down when he couldn’t remember all the stances from his first karate class. And when he recently had to draw a volcano for a homework assignment, he burst into tears and crumpled the paper because his rendition didn’t “look like the ones on TV.”
I chatted with Darren’s teacher and a couple of child-development experts because I was concerned that his behavior might be a sign of low self-esteem. What I was relieved to find out: It’s perfectly normal for some children his age to become obsessed with doing everything perfectly and start comparing themselves with their classmates, their teachers, and even you. “In kindergarten and first grade, many kids think there is one right way to do things, and everything else is wrong,” says Peter Stavinoha, Ph.D., a child psychologist at Children’s Medical Center in Dallas. “They have a hard time understanding why they don’t have the same skills as their classmates or even adults and why they can’t master something immediately.” So you have some explaining to do. Use these expert tips to help your mini perfectionist strike that delicate balance between striving hard and being too hard on himself.
Compliment the Process
Think about how you praise your child. Maybe you say things like, “Wow, I’m so proud that your team won the soccer game!” or “You tied your shoes perfectly.” When you constantly focus on the end result rather than the journey, your kid will think that success is what really matters to you, explains Michele Borba, Ed.D., Parents advisor and author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. Instead, help her realize that enjoying an activity and learning from it are much more important than winning or losing. Next time, emphasize your child’s effort (“You’re working so hard on drawing your picture for Grandma’s birthday”) or how much fun she’s having (“It looks like you had a great time playing Chutes and Ladders with your friend”). It won’t take long for your child to realize that playing for enjoyment can be just as much fun as winning.
Let Your Kid Make Mistakes
Darren writes his letters and numbers backwards once in a while. I used to point out the error immediately, but now I usually don’t say a word — even if the mistake is on a homework sheet that he has to hand in for school. “When you’re always correcting your kid’s mistakes, he’ll think that you want him to be perfect,” says Wendy S. Grolnick, Ph.D., coauthor of Pressured Parents, Stressed-Out Kids. “On the flip side, if you allow your child to turn in schoolwork that is truly his own, he can get comfortable with constructive feedback from the teacher. That will help give him the confidence that he can succeed without your help.”
Dare Not to Compare
It’s natural to want to know how your child is doing in relation to her classmates or even siblings — after all, you’ve probably been making comparisons since she was born. But try not to talk about it in front of her. When you say things like “Your painting was the best at the open house,” or “Jamie learned how to ride her bike without training wheels when she was your age,” you’re simply fueling your kid’s desire to do things perfectly. Sure, you need to know if your kid is on track developmentally, but save your comments for your child’s teacher or pediatrician.
Keep It Real
If your child thinks she should be able to get the hang of a sport or grasp a new math concept the first time out, she’s setting herself up for disappointment, says Dr. Borba. Use your family’s experiences to help her understand that even people she admires weren’t always as good at something as they are now. For instance, encourage your kid to ask her T-ball coach how long he’s been playing the game. Or talk to the dentist about how many years of school it took to get his degree. Also pick up a few kid-oriented biographies at the library. Two good picks to read along with your child: You Never Heard of Sandy Koufax?! and Who Was Walt Disney?
Finger-painting, Legos, Play-Doh, sand art, and other open-ended projects are ideal for helping young perfectionists chill out. Because there’s no right or wrong result, these activities foster something that’s important for all children to learn: There are usually many different ways to do things.
Point Out Your Own Imperfections
If you tell a kindergartner that he can’t be perfect, he’ll take it personally. He doesn’t realize that you mean no one can be perfect. To help him understand, note your own goof-ups, like when you accidentally spill the juice or forget to put something on your grocery-shopping list. “It’s helpful for kids to see that everyone makes errors,” says Dr. Stavinoha. Then model how to deal with your gaffes because children will watch your reaction. “Rather than getting upset about something that went wrong, convey to your child that mistakes are just part of learning,” says Dr. Grolnick. “Point out what you could have done differently so it won’t happen again.” It will take a while, but eventually your child will copy your reaction and not get so flustered or frustrated when something doesn’t go the way he’d planned.
Originally published in the November 2011 issue of Parents magazine.
Watching TV is something our children do a lot, maybe even, to often. Yet if you want your child to have better imagination, a more agile mind, and treasured memories of quality time spent with family, then limiting their time in front of the TV might be a good way to start. Your child will become more focused and more physically active. In other words, raising kids without television will improve their quality of life.
If you want to raise “No TV Children” and would like some advises on how to do it, here is an article we recommend: http://www.wikihow.com/Raise-No-TV-Children.
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How to Raise No TV Children
Nowadays it can be very hard to raise a so-called “No TV Kid”. Yet if you want your child to have a better imagination, more free time, and treasured memories of quality time spent with family, getting rid of the TV could be a great option. Moreover, studies link frequent television viewing with obesity, lower academic performance, and other issues, so raising children without television can improve their quality of life. By choosing the right method of ending TV viewing, and by planning alternative activities, you can get your children on board with the idea and enrich their youth.
Part 1. Starting the Lifestyle
1.Explain your concerns.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under two do not watch TV at all, and that all other children have no more than one or two hours of screen time per day.Explain to your children that you are trying to do what is best for them, and to encourage healthy habits.
2.Avoid ever introducing a television into your home, if possible.
It can be much easier to raise children with a “no TV” policy if they have never experienced having a television at home. While there will still be temptations to watch TV in other locations, you will start strong by keeping it out of your home.
3.Set a good example.
If you want to raise a no-TV child, then you will have to model good behavior. Whether you completely eliminate television from your child’s life or simply restrict the amount they watch, set your own viewing policy to match the same standards that you set for your child. Showing a good example for your children will make it more likely that they adopt the no-TV lifestyle.
4.Start by removing the television from your child’s room, if there is one.
Studies show that having televisions in childrens’ room can have a detrimental impact on their health and academic success. If you are trying to ease your children off of television, you can begin by taking them out of their rooms; the children could still watch some TV in another room, but this step will already reduce screen time significantly.
5.Go cold turkey.
For some families, starting a no-TV lifestyle “cold turkey” (immediately cutting out all TV without a period of gradual reduction) is too difficult. For others, however, the quickest method will be the easiest. If you want to try going cold turkey, talk to your family ahead of time about the change. Set a date to begin the no-TV life, and stick to it.
- Whether you go cold turkey or make a gradual change, the goal should be to eliminate TV and offer your child more enriching alternatives.
Part 2. Creating Alternatives
1.Reduce the amount of time a child spends watching television.
Studies show that there can be some benefits to watching some amount of television in certain cases. For instance, children that watched certain enriching programs have slightly larger vocabularies, according to some research. Thus, you might decide not to cut out all television right away, but to gradually reduce the amount of time the child is allowed to watch TV.
- For instance, try reducing the amount of TV your child is permitted to watch by one hour per week, until it is zero or almost zero.
- You can also suggest that the whole family watches a movie on television together on the weekend, but ban TV at night during the week.
- Similarly, you might have a rule that no television is permitted until the child completes all homework or chores.
- If you do watch some TV together, talk about it afterwards. This helps increase comprehension, raise vocabulary, and generally promote bonding.
2.Establish “screen-free” zones and times.
If you have not immediately removed all televisions from your household, you can start by deeming certain areas or times to be “screen-free.” For instance, you can establish a rule against watching television at mealtimes, and remove televisions from areas where other activities take place, such as kitchens, dining rooms, or game rooms.
3.Make sure the child has access to non-electronic media and entertainment.
Books, newspapers, games, art supplies, and other items can be immersive, entertaining, and beneficial to a child. Make sure that your child has plenty of access to these more enriching alternatives to television.
4.Plan family and group activities.
There are many, many wonderful opportunities to spend time time together that don’t involve television. You can help your child thrive without TV if you are proactive and plan alternative, group activities ahead of time—especially if you are switching from a lifestyle involving lots of TV viewing to a no-TV one. Good choices include:
- Game nights (the whole family can get together to play a favorite board game)
- Reading out loud
- Playing music
- Visits to the library, zoo, a museum, a park, or other favorite place
- Playing outside with other kids in the neighborhood
- Extracurricular activities (sports, dance, outdoors, crafts, etc.; these are great ways for your child to connect with other children, build confidence and skill, and avoid screen time)
5.Plan individual activities.
There are all kinds of benefits to spending no-TV time together as a family. Children also develop well when they are given time to spend by themselves. Children can benefit from having time to immerse themselves in free reading, drawing or coloring, and other activities.
- Sometimes, you can take a combined approach. For instance, an entire family can read silently together, each person immersed in a book. That way, while everyone is together, they also get to act individually. This sets a good example for your child, and makes great use of no-TV time.
There is a link between obesity and watching large amounts of television, so one of the most beneficial ways to use your and your child’s time instead of watching television is to exercise. Good activities include:
- Games such as tag and hide-and-seek
- A family walk or hike
- Sports (baseball, basketball, etc.)
7.Let your child direct activities.
If your children feels like they have a say in planning the no-TV life, it can be empowering and lead to success. Talk to your children about activities that they might like to try instead of watching TV, and be supportive of the ideas. Set aside time during the week to do the activities your child wants the family to try.
Have fun trying out your child’s ideas, no matter what they are: building a pillow fort, having a tea party, playing with blocks and action figures, etc.
Some kids naturally have tender hearts and cry easily. While this isn’t necessary a bad thing, sometimes it is important to be able to control your emotions. It is a skill every child can learn that will prove useful in his adult life.
Today we chose an article that explains how to help your children if they cry easily: http://www.parents.com/kids/development/social/back-to-school-how-to-help-kids-who-cry-easily/
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How to help kids who cry easily
It’s the rare preschooler who can fully understand his feelings and express them in words, so tears are bound to make an appearance at some point. But if your kid seems to cry more than usual, even over seemingly minor issues, he may just be genetically wired to be extra sensitive. Studies at Harvard University found that the 10 percent or so of babies who were the most upset by new noises and unfamiliar people at 16 weeks old retained their finely tuned emotional smoke alarm as they got older. Adds Parents advisor Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: “Some children haven’t yet developed that inner brake. When they get upset about something, all their emotions come right to the surface and they get a flash flood of tears.”
Such kids’ ability to feel emotions a little more deeply — while sometimes frustrating to parents — is also something to cherish. “Sensitive children may be overwhelmed by their own feelings, but they’re also very tuned in to how other people feel, and this makes them very empathetic friends,” says Dr. Dunlap.
The Right Reaction
If you’re at a birthday party where all the kids are happily eating cupcakes while your child is weeping because she got a blue one instead of pink, your first instinct may be to quickly make a switch for her. “However, if you jump in right away, she’ll lose confidence in her ability to solve her own problems,” says Dr. Dunlap.
Avoid the urge to tell her to stop crying — which will probably just trigger more tears, says Dr. Borba. Hypersensitive preschoolers are very good at reading their parents’ emotions. If you get tense, it tells your child that whatever is upsetting her really is something to get worked up about — and this models the very behavior you’re trying to change. One way to help your child get control of her emotions is by playfully telling her, “Freeze!” “Freezing helps a child stop and collect herself,” says Dr. Borba. Then suggest that she take a deep breath and blow it out through her mouth the way a dragon would.
Distracting your child by guiding him to another activity is also a powerful tool. “When my daughter was in preschool, it felt like she cried all the time,” says Melissa Morgenlander, of Brooklyn, New York. “One of her teachers suggested that when she felt tears coming, she should count to ten out loud. It’s simple, but it worked — by the time she got to eight or nine, she would always start to smile.” The counting method is a gold standard, agrees Dr. Dunlap. “At age 3 or 4, counting still takes focus and concentration, so whatever was upsetting your child may feel like old news by the time he gets to ten.”
Next, coax your child to tell you exactly what made him unhappy, so you can help him find a remedy. If he says, “I’m sad Joey doesn’t want to play with me,” ask him, “What can you do to make yourself feel better?” If he’s stumped for ideas, remind him of things that make him feel good, like inviting another child over to play or looking at a favorite picture book. With a little practice, he’ll soon start coming up with his own solutions, without any prompting from an adult.
Even kids who aren’t typically teary can go through emotional periods, says Elizabeth Pantley, author of the No-Cry series of parenting books. “If there’s been a recent change such as a move or a new baby, your child may become more sensitive,” she explains. Look over her daily routine: Insufficient sleep or poor eating habits can also be enough to make a preschooler feel irritable. Checking in with your pediatrician can’t hurt: Anything from an undetected chronic ear infection to a slight speech delay could make a kid quick to cry.
Although you might not be able to rewire your child’s sensitive personality, she’ll eventually gain the maturity to monitor her emotions and become more resilient. Believe it or not, peer pressure can be a force for good. “By age 6 or 7, she will probably have fewer bouts of crying, especially when she sees that other children prefer to play with her when she’s not in tears,” says Dr. Dunlap. My own little sniffler is still a sensitive girl at age 10, but she rarely sheds inappropriate tears in public any more. Instead, her deeply felt emotions come out in the way she plays the violin or the kindness she shows when she meets kids with special needs. She’ll even happily share a waffle if you ask.
Originally published in the November 2013 issue of Parents magazine.
When the children are happy, the parents are happy too. Spending time with your kids has a big influence on their happiness, but the 21th century lifestyle keeps parents busy. Life is a little bit more stressful and because of economic turbulence there is a need for both of the parents to have a job. All this leaves the parents with fewer occasions to spend time with their children.
Fortunately, there is a solution to every problem. This article will provide you with some advice on how to help children feel good and establish you as a great parent:
How to Raise Happy Children
Children – God’s unique gift to mankind. They can be angels or devils at the same time and bringing them up is joyful as much as stressful. With changing times, late marriages & having children after 30 years of age have a lot of positives and negatives on parenting.
Gone are the good old days when parents had a lot of time to spend with their children. The need for more than one parent working to survive the economic turbulence is the order of the day. Lifestyle has been changing so much that you get to meet family only at dinner time. The daunting task of parenting is to be dealt with keeping the welfare of the child in heart.
There is a solution to every problem. Time is what the children need most from you. Somehow in our hectic routines if we manage to spend quality time with them doing the things they like, they are content. Giving your child healthy food, keeping them occupied with books, toys and games, engaging them in extra curricular activities is what we would normally do. But beyond all that, a couple of hour’s everyday dedicated to them makes all the difference.
Here are many ways to make them feel good and establish you as a great parent:
1. Find inventive ways to make them interested in a routine. Show them fun ways to do a new chore, that way, they’ll try o be creative by making their other chores fun.
2. Keep your chores towards the end of the day, that ensures your quality time with them. Just don’t let it interfere with any necessary work you need to do.
3. Hear them out – they are as needy as they can be. Sometimes when you give them an order, let them say something first, because it may be really important to them.
4. Allow them to do their chores and help them out a bit
5. Children feel great when you give them responsibility of things, the earlier you start it becomes a habit
6. If your child is throwing a temper tantrum, be patient and leave them room – they automatically realize and come to you with a better mood – remember they have frustrations too!
7. Ask their help, advice, opinions on things like help decide your outfit, buying gifts, helping you cook etc. Give them chances to volunteer at recycling communities, a music program, anything of their interest.
8. Do not shout at them when they make a mistake, understand why they did it and gently explain the consequences of their action
9. Don’t nag them when they don’t eat, they will eventually come to you when they are hungry. Make eating fun, by telling them to think of bad tasting but healthy food, as candy or some other treat.
10. Don’t spank your child unnecessarily, for it would raise an aggressive adult. If you do get angry, then just let it pass. They’re eventually going to grow up, and anger with children would be the least of your worries.
Yes, kids tattle, though most don’t do it on purpose and the consequences are harmless. However, what’s been done once and never pointed as something to avoid can evolve into a bad habit. As a parent, you wouldn’t want that to happen. It is important to notice if a kid starts tattling and teach him to let go of this practice.
We browsed the web and found a useful article, which explains the anatomy of a tattle and how to prevent it for good. Here is the original source:
For a more fluent reading, we have included the content of the article below.
Why Kids Tattle – and What to Do
By Cheryl Lock
Don’t be worried if your child starts tattling – learn the real reasons behind it to prevent her from becoming a full-blown tattletale.
Four- and 5-year-olds are learning so many things at such a fast pace that they can have a hard time keeping track of everything that’s expected of them. When they do get something right, they expect everyone else to abide by the same rules. And when these perceived rules are “broken” by others, this can lead to tattling. It’s important to prevent tattling from becoming a habit or to stop it immediately, as it can cause unwanted issues with friends and teachers. Before you take steps to prevent it, though, you’ll need to understand the root causes. “There are a lot of reasons why little kids might tattle,” says Lawrence Balter, Ph.D., a child psychologist and parenting expert. “And while it’s usually [physically] harmless, tattling can be [emotionally] hurtful to the victim.” Here, we’ve outlined the common reasons why your child might tattle — and how you can help nix the behavior in the bud.
The Anatomy of a Tattle
It’s about rules. Young kids tend to be very literal, as their cognitive development cannot recognize abstract reasoning yet, Dr. Balter says. This means that when they do catch on to how to follow rules, usually at around age 7, they expect those rules to be inflexible, and it feels personal to them when other kids abide by their own, or different, set of rules.
It’s about attention or status. Often, a tattler is only looking to be noticed. If he’s feeling left out or abandoned, he may tell on someone to build up his own status or to make other kids look bad so he can be favored.
It’s about revenge. Most tattles are generally harmless, but occasionally a tattle can have a sinister root. “Sometimes it’s not only about raising status, but the child wants to hurt the other person,” Dr. Balter says. “A good way to get back at a kid who has hurt your feelings is to say something negative about [him], to get [him] in trouble.”
It’s about power. Some tattlers always want to be in charge. A tattler seeking power may likely have a strong-willed Type A personality and may want to put someone else in line.
How to Prevent Tattling
Once you understand some of the causes of tattling, you can work on preventing the behavior in your own child.
Point Out Tattling. If you and your child catch another kid tattling, use the opportunity as a teaching moment. “Bring the action to her attention, and ask what she thinks about what the kid is doing. Does she understand that what the child is doing is tattling, and why it’s wrong?” Dr. Balter says. Take time to talk about what the other child could have done instead of tattling (ignore it, walk away, and so on).
Explain Fairness and Justice. “Kids are so literal, and sometimes their tattling is about making the other kid look bad to get that sense of justice,” Dr. Balter explains. When talking to your child, say something like, “Sometimes people don’t follow the rules the way they should. I know it’s upsetting to you because you are trying to do the right thing.” Tell your child that she can’t change the way other children behave, but that the most important thing is always keep her own actions fair and just.
Explain Your Expectations. Explain that, although tattling on small actions is bad, it’s important to speak up if something appears dangerous. You wouldn’t want your child complaining every time Suzie steals a crayon from her, but you would need your child to mention if Suzie is pulling the dog’s tail, a harmful action. The difference between tattling because something is significant or dangerous and tattling on something that’s not is very subtle, and it can be difficult to expect a child to understand it. In Social Rules for Kids, author and speech-language pathologist Susan Diamond, M.A., suggests one way to guide kids on what to say when something could be dangerous: Explain to your child that she could say “‘I tell the teacher when…I feel threatened, scared, nervous, or hurt by a student or group of students.'” For the opposite approach, kids should practice saying, “‘I do not tell the teacher when…a student is not right, calls me a name, calls someone else a name, taps a pencil.'” Then help kids focus on what they should do instead, like “relax, focus on my work, ignore, [and so on],” Diamond advises.
What to Do If Your Kid Already Tattles
This might seem counterintuitive, but do not make a big deal about tattling. “When your child tattles, this gives you a chance to investigate what his motivation is,” Dr. Balter says. Don’t chastise him; instead, point out (gently) that if he keeps calling attention to his friends’ behavior in a negative way and getting them in trouble, they won’t want to play with him. You can try other tactics prior to a playdate. “If you know your kid tends to feel intruded upon and tattles mostly because he doesn’t like others playing with certain toys, designate beforehand what everyone will play with and what you’ll put away,” Dr. Balter says. “That’s one easy way to stop kids from running up to you and tattling.” One more thing to keep in mind: For kids around 3 to 4 years old, tattling can be a sign of exhaustion. “When kids are cranky and tired, anything goes,” Dr. Balter explains. Taking a short break for a nap, TV, or lunch could help keep the bad behavior at bay.
Copyright © 2013 Meredith Corporation.
Reading does wonders for a child, it trains imagination, helps the mind explore new emotions and increases vocabulary. However, with the constant presence of smartphones and widescreen TV’s, it is quiet challenging to convince our children on how important reading really is.
If you agree with us and would like to help your child discover the beauty of reading, check the article we found on the topic: https://www.wikihow.com/Raise-a-Child-Who-Loves-to-Read
For your convenience we’ve added the content of the article below.
How to Raise a Child Who Loves to Read
You can create a home environment that will beckon your child into the wonderful world of literature. Books and the characters in literature play a massive role in school, college and life, and can also lead to interest in pursuing a professional career if the interest is high. Reading is a lifelong hobby and can help build the imagination, vocabulary and education of your child.
1. Start early
Teaching your child to read can start in the womb. Let the fetus listen to Western Classical music by placing headphones against your tummy – Classical Symphonies have a highly beneficial effect on the forming mind. Read to the kid before and after birth as much as possible. Try to avoid baby talk. Talk to him or her as you would to any older child or adult. Give the growing little one ABC building blocks, and enact children’s stories and simplified Shakespeare stories for them in a way that excites their imagination.
- Fill your home with books and Illustrated Classics for Children. Stock up all the traditional fairy stories – Hans Christian Andersen, Aesop’s Fables and Grimm’s Fairy Tales. Buy plenty of books for yourself to set an example of the love of reading. The books you choose do not have to be new and expensive, and indeed, showing your child the joy of reading and exchanging or sharing books is another important life lesson in reading fast, sharing, and not cluttering. Purchase a wide range of books both age-appropriate for your child and all kinds of other books for your home. If your child gets used to seeing books in every room and lining the bookshelves, this image becomes very important when they start to think about the importance and entertainment value of reading. Show excitement about buying and borrowing books and don’t forget to get many books for yourself too.
- There are many bookstores that cater for children but you can just as easily go to used bookstores or library book sales with your child, starting at a young age. Take your child with you as this help them to be intimately involved in the journey to loving reading. Let them choose a few books as well as you selecting some books that can be read together, so that they feel they own the decision about some of the books.
- Consider even buying two of the same books so you can both read and use them as a challenge. When you finish, you can ask each other questions about the book.
- Used books are cheap! For the younger child, look into picture books and independent reading books as well as sing-a-long or listen and read books to help them gain the knowledge to read better.
- Art books can be found on bargain tables in book stores; place these on your coffee table and encourage perusal at any time.
- Buy or build bookshelves to house your precious reading material. If your child sees a wide range of books and can see each title at a glance, they will be more likely to pick one up and read it. Place books in different rooms in your home, maybe in baskets or on stands.
2. Purchase or borrow other media.
Reading sources such as magazines, newspapers, etc., are another way to interest your child in reading. Invest in subscriptions to magazines that you enjoy and with content suitable for a child. If your child sees you reading different media, they may get an interest in such varied topics as fashion, current events, sports, animals, films, etc. Newspapers are great to teach both you and your child about the real world. Read these at the breakfast table or after work in a comfortable setting minus the blaring TV. This sets an example to your child about what people do to learn and relax at once. Newspapers are something your child recognize as a source on what is happening outside of your family circle.
- Teach your child how to read a newspaper, including finding relevant information in different sections of the paper, such as world news, public notices, cartoons, etc.
- Many family oriented magazines include a kid’s section. Direct your kid to that section so that they can do the puzzles, enter the competitions, and read while doing so.
- Listen to audiobooks on CD or Mp3.
- Given the increasing popularity of e-readers, the iPad, etc., also consider including these sources of electronic reading material in your child’s life. Depending on age, there are electronic books such as the Leap Pad® learning system that allow the child to read the books using a pen; these are generally aimed at children aged from toddler to around 10, although foreign language versions can be used longer if wished. Beyond that, older children can progress to the more detailed (and costly) eBooks for e-readers, iPads, computers, etc.
3. Give books as presents.
Books are ideal gifts for birthdays, holidays, Christmas, traveling, as rewards, etc. Many books that are given for a special occasion or reason will become a special memory and will be long treasured. Write a loving message in the front so that the memento is well remembered.
- Remind your relatives and friends to give books they loved as children to your child, to broaden their knowledge of different literature from different eras.
4. Teach your child to respect and love books.
If you can teach children to see books as their lifelong friends, they’ll have innate respect for them. The love of reading will come from observing your love of reading, from the pleasure of getting new information for themselves from reading, and from the sheer utility of being able to read such things as game manuals, school information, and TV programs!
- Inform your child of the rules of caring for books such as not drawing or writing in library books, and not throwing away unwanted books but donating them instead. Avoid lecturing; simply explain in terms of why books are special objects and deserve our respect.
5. Spend time in the library together as a regular outing.
Let your child choose favorite books to read and borrow, and encourage your child to explore the library and enjoy all of the activities it offers. Your child will come to associate visiting the library with being close to you, spending time around enjoyable things to read and do, and as a place of quiet, thinking time.
- From early on, teach children how to be responsible with library books and have them take responsibility for the fees associated with returning books late. This is good learning about self-responsibility, anticipation, meeting deadlines, and being conscious of sharing responsibilities. It’s also a lesson in budgeting if you insist late fees come out of their pocket money! Only do this if the child can go to the library alone on foot or on bicycle to return the books. Imposing a penalty on them for your forgetfulness teaches the opposite lesson.
6. Teach your child about famous writers, actors and characters who are in books, or who write classic books.
Show them pictures of famous authors and tell them about their lives. You child may decide that he or she wants to write books too; do all you can to encourage this by providing paper and pens, and commenting favorably on all writing efforts.
7. Read often and your child will mimic you.
Try reading at certain times during the day, such as at midday sitting in the sun, or by a warm fire, or in bed, or before breakfast. Leave stacks of reading material in such places as your bed and on a chair so that your child can see books and reading matter as a normal part of your lifestyle. This reading role modeling will encourage your child and you can be assured that if you are a reader, then so will be your child.
8. Read to and with your child.
Children benefit from listening to reading and reading along. Get your child to sound out words and to read a sentence as you continue the story. This makes them feel a part of the learning process and helps to make the story more interactive. Also tuck them in bed, read aloud, and let them fall asleep to a good story. Make this a daily habit. Keep the reading habit up for as long as your child enjoys you reading to him or her. This can even go into teen years if you turn reading out loud into a household activity at least once a week, in which the whole family gathers together to listen to an interesting book while relaxing.
- Find a love interest in a particular book. Some children fall in love with a book, Peter Pan, Snow White, Cinderella, Lassie etc. Read it to them over and over when they ask. Read the book especially at bedtime as they fall asleep. If your child ever has nightmares, you can use this favorite book to calm them and help them return to sleep.
9. Maintain a regime for reading but be spontaneous.
If your child wants to read at night before bed, let them read for a time limit and then lights out. Tell them they can read with a flashlight in the dark if they want. Make it fun and a special reward for good behavior. Small children really love this “big boy/girl” reading reward, and it becomes a good habit for them to read before they sleep.
- “Come to terms” with the advancing technology, as the days are gone when nights were used just to read and study. Computer games and Xbox are here as well as TV and texting on cell phones. Try to encourage your child to fit in some reading every day.
10. Pay attention to your child’s changing interests.
As your child gets older, pay attention to subjects that interest your tween or teen. Focus on bringing books into the house that reflect their growing interests and continue to reward them with books and book vouchers.
- Encourage your child’s curiosity in finding answers to questions they might have. This will often lead them to books on the subject and further encourage the reading habit.
- Don’t neglect books in foreign languages. If your child is bilingual or shows an interest in other cultures, foster this through reading books in other languages as well. Even if you don’t know a second language, there are many options available to help your child – and you – learn as you go.
11. Go to a book club.
At first, join a book club that’s suitable for young children and families. As they get older, take them to a book club for their age, and when it is time, let them go alone or drop them off and you can grab a coffee or read a book yourself. They will see that other people their age are interested in books and that this passion isn’t as dorky as some of the teenagers might be suggesting.
12. Avoid pressuring your child.
When your child is not interested in a certain book, just put it away. Try to read to them what they are most interested in but also introduce new books all the time. Casually leaving interesting books lying around all the time is often the best way to get them enthused without pressuring them.
Learning might be boring, but not when you are playing and learning at the same time! This is a very common trick among parents because it works wonders. If you want to help your children have fun and learn while at it, we found an interesting article about this topic.
Just click on the link and read more: http://www.parentscanada.com/baby/playing-to-learn
…or continue reading it here, we’ve added the content of the article below.
Playing to learn
By ParentsCanada staff on September 09, 2013
Playing is what kids do best, and it’s a good thing, too, considering play is instrumental in your child’s development. So this year, as you start your holiday shopping, keep that in mind. Toys should be fun, but also contribute to intellectual, sensory and behavioural growth.
0 to 6 months
Does a baby really need toys?
Yes! Look for items that entertain the eyes, ears and hands.
- Go with simplicity. Babies don’t need complicated toys that will be frustrating. Look for simple items.
- Get colourful. Newborns enjoy colours, especially ones that have high contrast.
- Add music. Music is soothing, especially for the youngest of kids. Search out items with fun playtime music, as well as calming bedtime tunes.
- Offer hand-helds. Grasping items is an early motor skill that needs nurturing. Have plenty of teething rings, cloth books and rattles to play with.
6 to 12 months
Watch out! Your baby is going to be on the move. Look for toys that encourage activity.
- Appeal to touch. Little ones love different textures and shapes. Invest in crinkle books, rattles and toys with buttons to push.
- Get active. Toys that encourage rolling, crawling and (yikes!) walking are a great idea.
- Build it up. To develop fine motor skills, find items that are stackable, like blocks, nesting cups and stacking rings.
- Wheel around. For some reason, kids love wheels. Provide cars, trucks and pull-toys. It gets kids active and starts to spark imagination. Note: avoid mini-cars. They are too small for this age.
12 to 18 months
It’s all about the rewards. At this age, kids love cause and effect items. Look for toys that provide a goal.
- Sort it out. Shape sorting toys are always a big hit. Look for puzzle-style shape sorters, or toys that ask children to identify shapes and push correct buttons.
- Be safe. With more independent play comes the need to be extra careful with toys. Make sure there are no small pieces or sharp edges. Keep an eye on your toy box for broken toys.
- Get wet. Water is really entertaining for little ones. Simply washing their hands can be a source of excitement. Build on this by offering fun bath toys that squirt, pour, float and sink.
18 to 24 months
Let’s pretend. Your child’s imagination kicks into high gear at this age. Look for toys that encourage the creative mind.
- Dress up. Hats, shoes and funny dress-up clothing are simple, but entertaining “toys”. As parents, you’ll have to wear many silly clothes during this time.
- Act it out. Dolls, stuffed animals and other action figures are the perfect way to play makebelieve. Play kitchens, toolboxes and houses can also build a creative imagination.
- Begin with ABCs. Yes, your child might be a little young to start reading, but toys that show the alphabet can give them a head start when it comes to letter recognition. It can’t hurt!
- Be puzzling. Help out those problem-solving skills with large, simple puzzles. Be patient and let your toddler work at it. Offer help if frustration sets in.